After reading Lynne Truss’s book, “Eats, Shoots, and Leaves”, I had to comment about errors I see all too often as I bounce from page to page on the Web for my work. Very few Web content writers take the time to make sure their copy is clean. As professionals, we are expected to get things right – and that includes our writing.

It’s nice to read something from someone who is just as frightened and appalled as I am when we encounter blatant spelling, punctuation, and grammar abuses on signs, billboards, menus, flyers, programs, and just about everything that has words written on it.

It’s not that people don’t make errors occasionally. I don’t think even the most anal-retentive, uppity, girdle-wearing copyeditor in the universe can write perfect copy. But, geez, there is such a thing as taking the time to re-read what you wrote!

When I put things on display for people to read and find an error after it’s out there, my insides just begin melting. I am mortified and embarrassed. Not because I am an editor and writer. Not because I’m an innate grammar geek. And not because I happen to be a closet perfectionist.

Well, all those things factor in, but it’s because someone might have read it! It’s like being caught with your rear end hanging over the potty and there’s a line of people gaping at you. Embarrassing? Quite.

What I (and Lynne and many others like us) can’t figure out is why the offenders don’t feel this way. Don’t you care that you’ve just mooned everyone and we now know that your behind is pink, floppy, and full of pimples? Euwww! Do I want to buy anything from you? Not with that bumpy bottom I don’t.

Where is the commitment to excellence? What happened to going the extra mile? How did this happen?

As an aside, I’ve found that many people can be good writers and still not have the rules right. Sure, the message itself may be a very good one. It may be witty, worthy, and intellectually sound. You may be able to produce a piece that makes buttering bread sound like the next best thing to having wings. But, if your copy is full of grammatical stumbles, spelling spills, and punctuation missteps; that’s exactly how it’s going to read, despite your talent.

Point is: Spell check and don’t think for a minute your spell checker is going to catch everything. Grammar check, and don’t believe everything your grammar checker tells you. Read it out loud. If it sounds funny coming out of your mouth, chances are it needs a rewrite.

Take the time and your professionalism will have a better chance.

I was in a foul mood when I went for a walk. The fowl flew away when I approached its nest. That fowl had a foul smell when it passed by me. Suddenly, a foul ball hit the flying fowl when it flew over the baseball field. (It survived and flew out of sight. The fowl is having a foul day.)

Foul – something offensive, smelly, horrid, obscene, dishonorable, polluted, dirty, obstruction, an infringement of the rules

Fowl - a bird of any kind

This misspelling isn’t as common, but unfortunately still exists. So, if you say something smells fowl, you have likened the smell to a bird. If you say you saw a some a feathery foul zip by your car, you have likened what you saw to something smelly.

You could smell that in your car?

When you pick an alternate route, you have substituted one route for another. If you took an alternative route, you have chosen to travel on that route rather than another.

Alternate - one in a series, a substitute for something, occurring or succeeding in turns

Alternative – offering or expressing a choice, something that can be chosen

The difference is choice. There is no choice with an alternate. You have a choice with an alternative.

Traversing this tortuous trail has sapped what energy I had left. My limbs and ankles have been under torturous strain for hours. When will the agony end? Where will this horrible twisting path lead to?

Tortuous – repeated twisting, turning, bending – or – crooked, devious, tricky

Torturous -  causing torture, agony, intense pain, extreme discomfort, painfully slow or difficult

One letter makes a huge difference. If you changed the order in the sentences above, your trail would be suffering great pain and your limbs and ankles would be twisted like Slinkys®.

That’s no way to hike!

I had a friend ask me to explain this once and for all. Where does the blasted period go? Quite simply, put the period on the outside if it isn’t a complete sentence. Put it on the inside if the complete sentence is surrounded by the parentheses.

For example:

Outside - Johnny went down to play ball and forgot his mitt (it was in the garage).

Inside - Johnny like playing ball. (He like catching the most.)

Do note a single (  is a parenthesis. A pair is parentheses.

You must accept that these words have to be spelled correctly or no one except you will understand what you’re talking about. If you do accept that the meanings are remarkably different then you will find your way to more exceptional writing.

Accept is to receive, to give approval, to recognize as true, to take on

Except is to exclude, to take or leave out, to place a condition of unless

As you can see, their meanings are completely opposite. When you use these incorrectly, as so many people do, you are creating confusion. Don’t make the mistake of misrepresenting your meaning. Accept the task of saying it right or few will understand them except you.